8 Bit Theatre: The Script Adaption
by KingKazul400
Summary: One day, Black Mage and Fighter are a quest to seek the Holy Grail... oh wait... wrong story. Ahem. Black Mage finally found his stolen gold. But what would such a morally bankrupt mage do with such a large amount of Gil? At ye olde Magic Shop?
1. Chapter 1

Final Fantasy: 8-Bit Theatre  
  
======  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy nor do I own 8-Bit Theatre. They belong to their respective owners and frankly, I like them but I'd rather not own them. Too expensive.  
  
======  
  
Black Mage: "So why is it we're going through the GIANT'S FOREST?"  
  
Fighter: "Because beyond it lies the CAVE OF NO RETURN!!"  
  
Black Mage: "Righter... and we would ever want to go there because...?"  
  
Fighter: "Dude, weren't you paying attention to the old man who tipped us off?!"  
  
BM: "Just indulge me."  
  
F: "Within the CAVE OF NO RETURN lies the ARMOR OF INVINCIBILITY!"  
  
BM: "Wait... If it's a cave of no return, then how does anyone know what's inside of it?"  
  
F: "Well where would you suggest they put a suit of MYSTICAL ARMOR OF INVINCIBILITY?!"  
  
BM: "Okay 'chuckles'... from now on, I pick the adventures."  
  
F: "PHOOEY!!"  
  
BM: "... ... idiot..."  
  
F: "WAIT!!" =stoops over a rock=  
  
BM: "What now?"  
  
F: "This ROCK is shiny... It must have some important role in our quest."  
  
BM: =angrily pulls out knife and stabs downward at Fighter's neck=  
  
F: =scoops up rock= "ONWARDS!!"  
  
BM: =misses and falls on his face=  
  
====  
  
Hours later...  
  
====  
  
BM: "We're lost... you know that right?"  
  
F: "No we're not!"  
  
BM: "We've been walking around for hours!"  
  
F: "Relax. I know exactly where we're going."  
  
BM: "Oh... do you?"  
  
F: "Yep! About an hour ago, I found these tracks left by a couple of other guys. All we have to do is to follow these tracks until they lead us out!"  
  
BM: "Oh... tell me. What do you know about these guys from their tracks?"  
  
F: "Hm..." =bends over and pokes the tracks= "Well, they're about our heights..." =pokes tracks again= "Our weights..." =sticks a finger in a track= "And they seem to be traveling at about our pace. One of them is probably wearing a suit of armor and the other seems to have a cloak or robe that brushes the ground after his steps..." =gets up and looks at BM= "Why?"  
  
BM: "These are our own tracks you nimrod! You've led us around in circles!"  
  
F: "Circles eh?"  
  
BM: "Argh... shutup... okay... let's think."  
  
F: "... ... ... I like swords."  
  
BM: =sigh= "Correction. I'LL think. Okay, if we can just get our bearings straight, then we can find our way out."  
  
F: "Ooh! I know! We can navigate by way of these tracks!"  
  
BM: =stare= "You're hopeless..."  
  
F: "Well... we could..."  
  
BM: "Shutup. Allright... we'll use that overly huge, strange, purple rock formation as a starting point."  
  
F: "Uh-huh. Go on."  
  
BM: "Right. And after making a thorough search of the area using a grid-like system, we could..."  
  
GIANT: "Uhh..."

Both Adventurer: =looks at Giant=

GIANT: "Mmmm.... Squishes..."  
  
BM: =stare= "Bye-bye!" =runs away=  
  
F: "Stand back, Mage!" =yanks out sword= "He shall sample my BLADE!" =twirls sword= "NO dear friend, don't try to talk me out of it... don't you know... don't use any of your magic attacks to instantly put an end to this battle or anything..." =looks behind him= "Please?"  
  
GIANT: "Mm... Tasty red human..."  
  
F: "Okay big green and ugly. Prepare to face the invincible combat wrath of my TIGER-STYLE SWORD TECHNIQUE!!"  
  
GIANT: =drools and swings HUMONGOUS CLUB!!=  
  
F: =knocked into the ground= "Aack... good... preparation..."  
  
=====  
  
Meanwhile....  
  
=====  
  
BM: =running like a scared little girl= "Hm... I wonder what that thunderous earth-shaking noise was?" =looks behind=  
  
F: =faintly heard= "Aack... good... preparation..."  
  
BM: =shrugs shoulders= "Well, I'm sure it wasn't very important."  
  
THIEF: "A lone, defenseless mage running through the woods like a scared little girl, eh? Time to go to work." =sticks a foot out=  
  
BM: "Oof!" =falls flat on his face=  
  
THIEF: =pulls out a sword= "Your GP or your HP."  
  
BM: "Man, that is so lame."  
  
======  
  
Back at the 'fight'...  
  
======  
  
Fighter: "Alright, I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no other choice..." =runs away like a scared little girl= "Gotta go!"  
  
GIANT: "Hey..."  
  
=====  
  
Back to Thief and Black Mage  
  
=====  
  
T: "Come on, cough up the GOLD magic loser."  
  
BM: "Sure, sure. Let me just reach into my secretive, mage-style robes and pull out..." =yanks out knife= "MY KNIFE!"  
  
T: =disarms BM= "Wrong move, sparky."  
  
BM: "Aw... nuts..."  
  
Fighter: =still running like a scare little girl= "RUN AWAY!!!" =grabs BM=  
  
T: "Wha?" =notices a strange shadow= "Hm... that's odd. The THIEF'S ALMANAC didn't say anything about there being a total eclipse of the... Mfgh!" =gets stomped by the GIANT=  
  
GIANT: "Come back, squishees!"  
  
T: =body twitches= "Is there a white mage in the audience?"  
  
=====  
  
Back to our heroes running like scare little girls...  
  
=====  
  
BM: " 'Stand back Mage, he shall sample my blade', eh?"  
  
F: "It didn't take."  
  
BM: "You don't say."  
  
F: "THINK OF SOMETHING!"  
  
BM: =pulls out FF-1 Strategy Guide= "Hm... according to this, the GIANT only has 132 hit points."  
  
F: "Gee, is that all?" =thinks for a moment= "WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!"  
  
BM: "Wait, wait! Stop running! I have a plan!"  
  
F: =screeches to a stop= "Okay. You want to share this plan?"  
  
BM: =flies off of Fighter's back and strikes a tree= "Do you know what happens to a GIANT when it's blasted with a FIREBALL?"  
  
F: =thinks= "Er... no... what?"  
  
BM: "The same thing that happens to everything else."  
  
F: =stares at BM= "Dude, that line sucks."  
  
BM: =sighs and reaches into robes= "Look, just distract him while I whip up some magic."  
  
GIANT: =foot stomps right next to Fighter= "Squishees!"  
  
F: =draws sword and walks into the Giant's foot= "Aw... crap..."

========

Will Fighter survive? Can Black Mage hurry up and whip up some magic? Will the Giant eat his 'squishees'? Is Thief still okay? Can both heroes reach the CAVE OF NO RETURN?

STAY TUNED!!!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Final Fantasy: 8-Bit Theatre  
  
======  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy nor do I own 8-Bit Theatre. They belong to their respective owners and frankly, I like them but I'd rather not own them. Too expensive.  
  
======  
  
====  
  
Previously...  
  
Black Mage and Fighter were going through the GIANT'S FOREST when the got lost. After a while, they were quickly found by the GIANT and ran for their lives like scared little girls. And now...  
  
====  
  
Black Mage: =reading FF-1 Strategy Guide= "Hm... so the broom talks backwards... interesting"  
  
Fighter: =getting beaten by the GIANT= "Oh good Lord, no! Stop! I beg of you! Wait!... What are you... No, not the CLUB!! NOT THERE!!! It's far too lar--"  
  
BM: =still reading the Guide= "Four White Mages? It'll never work!"  
  
F: "ARRRRRRRGH!!!!" =falls from the GIANT'S CLUB and lands on the ground next to BM=  
  
BM: =sighs and puts away Strategy Guide= "Do I have to do everything myself? Sheesh..."  
  
F: =weakly= "Kill... me..."  
  
BM: =reaches into Mage Robes= "Tempting... But I need you for a shield.. I mean 'traveling cohort'. Yeah, that's it. A traveling cohort." =finds a glowing ROCK= "Besides, it's time to kick some GIANT ass."  
  
===  
  
And thus, the GIANT is confused by the ROCK and why BM is holding it in both hands. Suddenly, the ROCK sparkles and shines and BM is summoning energy into it.  
  
===  
  
BM: =demonic look= "HA... DO... KEN!!!!!!"  
  
===  
  
And a big ray of blue-white energy emerges from the ROCK and smashes into the GIANT, causing a HUMONGOUS NUCLEAR EXPLOSION!!!!!!  
  
===  
  
=====  
  
After the mushroom cloud disappeared, leaving a crater...  
  
=====  
  
F: =sitting on the ground with smoke rising from body= "Overkill much?"  
  
BM: =also body is smoking from explosion= "The GIANT'S gone, ain't he?"  
  
F: "Yeah.. but so's the WHOLE FOREST!!!"  
  
BM: "Er... well, y'know... You can't make an... uh... Omelette without um... er... destroying a forest. Yeah... you can't do that without burning a forest... Or something like that."  
  
F: =throws arms up= "YOU COULD'VE KILLED US WITH THAT BLAST!!!"  
  
BM: "Yeah... but I didn't. Besides, now that the Forest is gone, we're not lost."  
  
===  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the crater...  
  
===  
  
Thief: =dangling from a tree= "Hm... the THIEF'S ALMANAC didn't say anything about atomic detonations either..."  
  
===  
  
Back to Black Mage and Fighter...  
  
===  
  
F: =following BM= "I can't believe you nuked the GIANT'S FOREST. Now we'll never find the CAVE OF NO RETURN. Jerk..."  
  
BM: =turns around and waves a knife in F's face= "Ugh... There never WAS a CAVE OF NO RETURN, you clod."  
  
F: "Yeah right. Like the old man would lie after I paid him all our gold in exchange for some information on where to find an adventure."  
  
BM: =stares at F= "I hate to break it to you, but he TOOK our gold."  
  
F: =points a finger in BM's face= "HA! You think you're so smart. Well, for you information, he didn't take our gold, I GAVE it to him, so there."  
  
BM: =using imagination=  
  
====  
  
Inside BM's Imagination...  
  
====  
  
Mini-Fighter: "Duh, I am the Fighter. I gives away all of our shineys."  
  
Mini-Black Mage: =aims spell at M-F= "HA.. DO... KEN!!!!"  
  
M-F: "BLARG! I am dead!"  
  
====  
  
Back to Reality...  
  
====  
  
F: =taps BM on the shoulder= "Uh... what's so funny?"  
  
BM: "Hehe... sucker..." =wakes up= "Ahem... nevermind. Let's just get back to town." =starts walking=  
  
F: =follows= "... ... ... ... Why?"  
  
BM: =exasperated= "To get our money back from the old man!"  
  
F: "Well... what're we waiting on! Let's go!"  
  
Random Bush: =shuffles after BM and F= =Thief's head pokes up= "The plot thickens..." =continues shuffling=  
  
====  
  
After a good deal of walking...  
  
====  
  
F: =standing before town= "Ah, finally. I was starting to get worried. It'll be dark soon."  
  
BM: "Dark soon? What are you talking about? It's never night time around here."  
  
F: =blank stare= "Huh?"  
  
BM: "Well, until we stay at an Inn anyway..."  
  
F: =scratching head and thinking= "You know what... I always thought that was kinda weird..."  
  
BM: =faces the town= "Nevermind that now. We're almost in town."  
  
===  
  
And out of the clear blue, Three Ghosts and Three Imps appear...  
  
===  
  
BM: =clearly confused= "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS?!"  
  
1st Ghost: "We're MONSTERS. Let's FIGHT!"  
  
BM: "Uh... why?"  
  
F: =waving arms in BM's face= "Oh wait! I've heard about these happenings!" =coughs for attention= "This is a 'random encounter'. "  
  
BM: "A what?"  
  
F: "A random encounter!"  
  
BM: "... ... What'cha talkin' about Fighter? Have you been drinking my cider again?"  
  
F: "You know, random encounters! You'll just be walkin' along and WHAM!" =smacks his hands together= "A batch of MONSTERS will appear out of nowhere and you'll have to fight them to the DEATH!!"  
  
BM: "... ... ... ... ... ..."  
  
F: "... ... ... ... ... ..."  
  
BM: "... ... ... You're a looney."  
  
F: =shrugs shoulders= "At least that's what the old man told me after I gave him all our gold."  
  
1st Ghost: "AHEM!"  
  
BM: "Aw... nuts..."  
  
F: =waving a finger in the MONSTERS faces= "Man, are you MONSTERS in for it now."  
  
BM: =clearly confused= "They... they are?"  
  
F: =whacks BM on the back= "See my buddy here? He's a BLACK MAGE, a MASTER OF THE DARK ART OF DESTRUCTION, A WIELDER OF WILL, A NEXUS OF POWER that is tapped into the very living ley lines of the COSMOS! He can shaketh the very bounds of creation with but a SINGLE WORD!  
  
BM: =OO;= "Actually..."  
  
F: =ignores BM= "The heavens bow to the might of his magic! The gods quiver in fear that he should find them lacking his favor. Reality itself is his plaything, nothing more than clay in this sculptor's masterful and precise hands!"  
  
BM: =OO;= "Um... but..."  
  
F: =throws his arms up= "But you need not to take my word for it!" =points at the GIANT'S FOREST... or what's left of it...= "Lo! For behind us, can you see not the SMOLDERING CRATER what once was known as GIANT'S FOREST? It has been reduced to mere ashed. How, you ask? T'was the work of this very mage says I!"  
  
BM: =;= "If you'd let me talk..."  
  
F: =still ignoring BM= "And now you stand against him?! Oh, how I pity oyou foul and wretched creatures. At least take some solace in knowing that your utter obliteration shall be so night-instantaneous that you won't have the chance to feel how excrutiatingly painful it is!"  
  
BM: =clearly exasperated= =looks at the MONSTERS= "Could you excuse us for a moment?"  
  
1st Ghost: =clearly unfazed= "Of course."  
  
BM: =towers over F= "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!!!!!!"  
  
F: =OO;= "I'm taunting them about the incredible POWER at your disposal!"  
  
BM: =returns to normal size= "You IDIOT!! I can only cast that spell ONCE A DAY!!! I've got NOTHING left!"  
  
F: "Well... why didn't say something sooner?"  
  
BM: "... ... ... ... ... ... ... God, I hate you..."  
  
F: "So... now what?"  
  
BM: "We run like scared little girls, that's what!"  
  
F: =throws his arms up in the air= "Run? RUN?! We can't RUN?! Not after all that was said about your magical power!"  
  
BM: == "And who's fault is that?"  
  
F: =still waving arms= "Now is not the time to point fingers."  
  
BM: "... ... ... ... ... Yeah... right..."  
  
1st Ghost: "We ain't got all day, you know."  
  
BM: "Sorry guys, just one second."  
  
1st Ghost: "Make it quick."  
  
F: =still thrashing his arms= "THOSE MOSTERS ARE GONNA EAT US ALIVE!!!!"  
  
1st Ghost: "Human flesh? Raw?"  
  
2st Ghost: "Oh, heavens no!"  
  
3rd Ghost: "How barbaric!"  
  
3rd Imp: "What does he think we are? MONSTERS?"  
  
BM/F/Ghosts/Imp 1 & 2: =blink and stare at 3rd Imp=  
  
3rd Imp: "... ... ... what?"  
  
3rd Ghost: "Well, yeah. We are MONSTERS. But we're not MONSTERS about it."  
  
1st Ghost: "Enough talk! ATTACK!!"  
  
F: =running in circles= "MAGE!! You've got to think of something!"  
  
BM: =digging in his robes and walking slowly toward F= "I have, Fighter, I have."  
  
F: "Okay... What's your plan?"  
  
BM: =slowly edging toward F= "It's a little something I like to call..." =grabs F=  
  
"FIGHTER-DOKEN!!!!" =throws F at the MONSTERS=  
  
F: =thinking as he flies= (Okay, don't panic. Must tap into inner reserves of strength. Must remember ancient and complex tenchiques of Vargus, the Ultimate Swordsman whom I trained under all my life...)  
  
====  
  
And thus Fighter did harken back to his days spent at Fighter's Camp '86...  
  
====  
  
Vargus, the Paladin: =swinging a sword and striking a stance= "Okay, Fighter. This is the most complicated technique I've taught you thus far..."  
  
Younger Fighter: =watching TV= "Complicated technique... got it..."  
  
Vargus: =unaware because his eyes are closed= "Should you ever find yourself being hurled at a horde of monsters, this is what you must do."  
  
Y. Fighter: =changes the channel= "Horde of monsters... sure..."  
  
Vargus: =swinging sword= "First, adopt stance three-alpha, as though falling from a great distance, with the sword parallel to the ground as opposed to perpen..." =turns around and opens eyes=  
  
"ARE YOU EVEN PAYING ATTENTION?!"  
  
Y. Fighter: =still watching TV= "Yeah, yeah... Stance four-beta... gotcha..."  
  
TV: "Next on 'Chicks in Chainmail', Eva Knyghtbane sports her new ebony bikini-plate armor..."  
  
Vargus: =shakes head= "Why did I even take you in, in the first place?"  
  
===  
  
Back to the Present...  
  
===  
  
Fighter: =still flying through the air= "... ... ... DAMN YOU, WASTED YOUTH!!! DAMN YOU, I SAY!" =looks at MONSTERS= "Oh well... I guess I'll just have to improvise."  
  
=yanks out TWO SWORDS= "TWO-FISTED MONKEY STYLE ATTACK!!!!"  
  
Black Mage: =covers his eyes= "Whatever that is, it better involve keeping his pants on..."  
  
F: =charges at the MONSTERS and hacks/slashes/beats/whips/bum-rushes/stabs/etc. the MONSTERS while making monkey noises= "Oah! Oah! Oah! Aurrrrrr!!!"  
  
=lands a far distance away from the MONSTERS=  
  
2nd Ghost: =blinks= "HE MISSED!!"  
  
==  
  
But suddenly, little numbers appeared on the bodies of the MONSTERS  
  
==  
  
1st Ghost: =damage indicator= 299 dmg.  
  
2nd Ghost: =damage indicator= 386 dmg.  
  
3rd Ghost: =dmg. indicator= 253 dmg.  
  
1st Imp: =dmg. indicator= 267 dmg.  
  
2nd Imp: =meh... see above...= 321 dmg.  
  
3rd Imp: =once again... see above...= 347 dmg.  
  
All MONSTERS: =fades away= "HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!"  
  
Black Mage: =blinks= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..." =blinks=  
  
Fighter: =stores away SWORDS= "Pretty cool, huh?"  
  
BM: =walks toward F= "Can I ask you something?"  
  
F: =cracks neck= "Shoot."  
  
BM: =snigger= " 'Two-Fisted Monkey Style?' "  
  
F: =brushes his shoulders= "Yyyyyyyyyup!"  
  
BM: "And yelling 'TWO-FISTED MONKEY STYLE' doesn't strike to you as being REALLY WEIRD?"  
  
F: =pulls out a Zodiac Calender= "Not at all you see..." =also pulls out a laser pointer=  
  
"The Twelve Styles of the Vargus School correspond to the Twelve Signs of the Zodiac. Just as each sign has its own Strengths and Weaknesses, so too does each style. True mastery comes not from--"  
  
BM: =pulls out KNIFE and taps it on Fighter's shoulder= "Forget that I asked..." =looks at the town= "Let's just get into town and beat the living Bajeezus out of the old man that took our gold."  
  
F: =scratches head as he puts away the Zodiac and pointer= "That doesn't sound terribly heroic..." =looks at BM= "Does it?"  
  
BM: =waves hand= "Bah! I wants me my gold, y'dig?"  
  
====  
  
And so, at the city gates...  
  
====  
  
Guard 1: =in a robotic voice= "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
BM: =hides KNIFE in robes= "Thanks. So... what's up?"  
  
Guard 1: =monotonous tone= "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
BM: "... ... ... ... ... ... ..."  
  
Guard 1: "... ... ... ... ... ... ..."  
  
BM: "Um... I'm going to talk to my friend now."  
  
Guard 1: "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
BM: =carefully turns around= "Fighter, does anything strike to you as strange?"  
  
Guard 2: =also in monotonous tone= "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
F: =completely oblivious= "I like swords!"  
  
Guard 2: =monotone= "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
F: =still oblivious= "I like swords!"  
  
Guard 2: =monotone= "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
F: =still oblivious= "I like swords!"  
  
Guard 2: =monotone= "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
F: =still oblivious= "I like swords!"  
  
Guard 2: =monotone= "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
F: =still oblivious= "I like swords!"  
  
Guard 2: =monotone= "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
F: =still oblivious= "I like swords!"  
  
BM: =seeing red, and eye twitches= "Urge... to... destroy... world... rising..."  
  
Guard 2: =monotone= "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
F: =still oblivious= "I like swords!"  
  
Guard 2: =monotone= "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
F: =still oblivious= "I like swords!"  
  
Guard 2: =monotone= "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
F: =still oblivious= "I like swords!"  
  
Guard 2: =monotone= "Welcome to Corneria."  
  
F: =still oblivious= "I like swords!"  
  
BM: =counts= "1... 2.... 3... 4..." =snaps= "COME HERE, YOU IDIOT!!"  
  
F: "Yo."  
  
BM: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" =left eye and left hand twitching=  
  
F: "What? I'm a Fighter. I really do like swords."  
  
BM: =gestures at the Guards= "Doesn't it seem odd to you that the Guards can only say one useless phrase over and over again?"  
  
F: =shrugs shoulders= "I thought he was being friendly."  
  
BM: =rubs head= "Forget it. Let's just get inside and see what's going on."  
  
Random Bush from a while back: =shuffles after BM and F=  
  
====  
  
And so, both Fighter and Black Mage head into the Kingdom of Corneria, seeking the old man who STOLE their GOLD. But will they succeed? Can Black Mage resist the urge of kill Fighter? Can Fighter become a genius and stop being a complete ass? Will that Random Bush stop stalking our two heros?  
  
STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!!  
  
==== 


	3. Chapter 3

Final Fantasy: 8-Bit Theatre  
  
======  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy nor do I own 8-Bit Theatre. They belong to their respective owners and frankly, I like them but I'd rather not own them. Too expensive.  
  
======  
  
Previously...  
  
Black Mage and Fighter managed to beat the crap out of the GIANT and his FOREST. After a while, they managed to return to the fair city of Corneria. But before they entered the city, they got jumped by several wild MONSTERS. Destroying them was easy for Fighter, even though Black Mage used "FIGHTER-DOKEN" to confuse the MONSTERs. Anyways, back to the story...  
  
===  
  
And so, in the fair city of Corneria...  
  
===  
  
BM: =walks up to a poster= =reads=  
  
"WANTED:4 Ye Olde Lighte Warriorse Ofe Destinye Toe Rescuee Kingdome Frome Darknesse. Inquiree Withine."  
  
F: =grabs BM by the shoulder= "Dude! This is right up our alley!"  
  
BM: =puzzled= "What do you mean?"  
  
F: =throws arms in the air= "We're HEROES! We can do this!"  
  
BM: =consults this Chapter= "Hm... let's see... you fight for money, I weave occult magicks for money, and give it all away because..." =shuts book= "YOU'RE A MORON!!!!"  
  
=throws book at F's face= "Heroes, we ain't!"  
  
F: =rubs face= "Well... we could give it a shot..."  
  
BM: =throws arms in the air in a mocking way= "Hey, yeah! What a great idea! We'll sacrifice ourselves for the greater good!" =sticks tongue out= "THBBBBBBBT!! Now let's go ruckus up that old man!"  
  
F: =crosses arms= "But I wanna be a Light Warrior!"  
  
BM: =digs in his robes= "... ... ... ... ... You're not going to shut up about this are you?"  
  
F: "Nnnnnnnope!"  
  
BM: =straightens robes= "Fine, tell you what. If you can convince two COMPLETE STRANGERS to join us one a SUICIDE MISSION to rid the world of evil, then sure! We'll apply for the Light Warrior job!"  
  
F: =jumping up and down in joy= "Good goody gumdrops!"  
  
BM: "But if you can't find two other hardy souls ready to die a gruesome and painful death at the hands of insane goblins and ogres for no good reason, then we never talk about this Light Warrior crap again. Agreed?"  
  
F: =totally oblivious= "We're gonna be Light Warrios!" =runs in circles like a school boy on a major sugar overdose= "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"  
  
BM: =eye twitch= "Argh... must... resist... urge... to kill..."  
  
F: "Whoo-hoo!"  
  
BM: =to self= "Okay... you can do this... just count to 10..." =takes a deep breathe= "1..."  
  
F: "We're gonna be LIGHT WARRIORS!!"  
  
BM: =eye twitch= "2..."  
  
F: "We're gonna be famous!!"  
  
BM: =both eyes are twitching= "3..."  
  
F: "I'm gonna get a whole bunch of SWORDS!!!"  
  
BM: =eyes and left hand twitching= "4..."  
  
F: "And we're gonna be RICH!!!"  
  
BM: "Rich, eh?" =remembers original errand= "Ah yes! Ahem. Fighter, I'll go find and beat the daylights out of that old man. He can't be tough."  
  
F: =screeches to a halt= "Er... okay. Shouldn't we meet back soon? Otherwise, the position might be taken!"  
  
BM: =mutter= "Yeah, like we wouldn't want THAT to happen."  
  
F: "Eh? What's that you say?"  
  
BM: "Ahem, I mean, yeah. We'll meet back here in one hour."  
  
F: "That oughta be just enough time to round up some brave do-gooders!"  
  
BM: =walks away= "Heh, he actually thinks he'll find someone who wants to join us. I'm sure he'll just waste his time browsing at a weapons shop anyways. Besides, he's too stupid to get into trouble, so I've got nothing to worry about..."  
  
F: "Hm... where to start? Maybe at yon hither Weapons Shop..."  
  
Random Bush from Earlier: =shuffles after Fighter=  
  
F: "Eh? What's this? A moving piece of shrubbery?" =kicks the bush=  
  
Thief in the Bush: =pops out= "Ouch! I mean... er... Hello!"  
  
===  
  
Later...  
  
===  
  
Thief: =finishes sign= "Hehe... what a bunch of suckers..."  
  
Sign Reads: "Lighte Warriore Trye-Outse Todaye"  
  
Random Chick: "Ooh... I wanna be a Light Warrior!"  
  
Fighter: =sitting in a chair= "Next!"  
  
Cloud from FF7: =walks up to F= "Hiya! I'm Cloud Strife!"  
  
F: =pulls out a pencil and paper= "Alright Cloud. What'cha got for us?"  
  
Cloud: =taps chin= "Well... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..."  
  
F: "Aw come on! There's gotta be something you can do! You're the main character in FF7!"  
  
Cloud: =light bulb goes off= "I can summon the GODS themselves to do my bidding!"  
  
F: =falls out of chair= "AWESOME!! Summon me up a God and smite somethin'!"  
  
Cloud: =pulls out a piece of Materia= "Okay... give me just a sec..." =raises the Materia to the sky= "Thunder!"  
  
BOOM!!! BOOM!!!  
  
F: =blinks= "Hey... that wasn't a god! That was a lousy lightning bolt!"  
  
Cloud: "Meh... just give me another moment..." =pulls out another piece of Materia= "Ramuh!"  
  
BOOM!!! BOOM!!!  
  
Chocobo: =sitting on the table confused= "Wark? Kew?"  
  
F: =jaw drops= "What... the... heck... is... this?"  
  
Cloud: =OO;= "Agh... just a minor setback, that's all..." =pulls out a bigger piece of Materia= "Okay, I promise... this will be it!"  
  
BOOM!!! BOOM!!! BOOM!!!  
  
F: =OO;= "What... the... F---?!"  
  
Fat Chocobo: =also confused= "Kew? Wark?"  
  
F: "Is that all you got?"  
  
Cloud: =pulls out Materia Blade= "Well... I got a big sword..."  
  
F: =OO= "Dude! I WANT ONE TOO!!"  
  
Cloud: =lifts Materia Blade= "Oof... it's a little..." =struggles= "... Heavy..." =Materia Blade crushes Cloud= "Ouch..."  
  
F: =OO;= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Next!"  
  
===  
  
Elsewhere in the Districts...  
  
===  
  
Black Mage: =walking down a street lined with shops= "Damn. Who would've though it'd be this hard to find one stupid old man..." =walks past a sign=  
  
Sign: "SHADY OAKS RETIREMENT: More old men than you can beat senseless!"  
  
BM: =eyes twitching= "We'll see about that!" =walks into building=  
  
===  
  
And in the main room were three old men talking...  
  
===  
  
Old Man 1: =in a weak voice= "... So there we were, facing down this demon named Roy. Roy wasn't his real name of course. That's just what we called demons back then. If a demon appeared, say from a summoning circle inscribed in blood, which in those days were more commonly known as a 'Grant's Ear', you'd say 'Here comes Roy right outta Grant's Ear' because that was the style of the time."  
  
Old Man 2: =pokes ear= " 'Grant's Ear?' What the hell is that?"  
  
Old Man 1: =drinks brandy= "Oh, that was before your time. We called them a 'Grant's Ear' back then on account of the first guy to use circles."  
  
Old Man 3: =drinks ale= "So... the guy was Grant?"  
  
Old Man 1: =spits out brandy= "WHAT THE--"  
  
Old Man 2: =sniffs brandy= "What? Brandy too weak?"  
  
Old Man 1: "No!" =sips= "Not Grant! The guy's name was Steve!"  
  
Old Man 3: "Steve? That doesn't make sense!"  
  
Old Man 2: "So Steve the Summoner used the blood from the ear of a guy named Grant, right?"  
  
Old Man 1: =waves arms in the air= "Blood? That's UNSANITARY!! No! Ole Steve used plain old sawdust!"  
  
Old Man 3: "For his summoning circles, eh?"  
  
Old Man 1: "Yes. They weren't circles so much as squares though."  
  
Old Man 2: "Huh? Circles are circles and squares are squares. What was the difference?"  
  
Old Man 1: =hits #2 with a cane= "You have to remember these were the early days of summoning, or 'Gallomphing' as it was known then. 'That evil wizard is gallomphing for Roys' you'd say, because it was the style at the time."  
  
Old Man 3: " 'Gallomphing'? The hell is that?"  
  
====  
  
Just then, the door slams open...  
  
====  
  
Black Mage: =with hands together= "Eat... electric... death... old man!" =blue energy focuses into hands=  
  
"HA-----"  
  
Old Man 3: "What in tarnation is that young'n doin'?" =pulls out a pipe and smokes=  
  
BM: "DO-----"  
  
Old Man 2: =shrugs shoulders= "I dunno. Search me." =drinks wine=  
  
Old Man 1: =realizes= "Omigod! It's a evil wizard gallomphing for Roys!" =hides behind table= "Hide!"  
  
BM: =releases anger and pent up energy= "KEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Spell: =sputters= "cough... cough... sputter... fizzle..." =dies=  
  
BM: =OO;= "Oh yeah... I forgot I can only use that spell once a day... dammit!"  
  
Old Man 2: =finishes wine glass= "What the heck is the young'n up to?"  
  
Old Man 3: =empties out pipe= "Well, if I had to guess, I'd say that's 'Electric Death'. "  
  
BM: =charges up another spell= "No matter! I'll settle for this instead!" =electricity crawls all over his body=  
  
Old Man 1: =gets up from beneath table= "NOW what's he doin'?"  
  
BM: =demonic look= "BOLT-2, MUTHA FUGGAS!!!!" =releases pent up rage and energy=  
  
KZZZZZZZZZTTTT!!!!!!!!  
  
Bodies: =sizzle= =burn= =crackle=  
  
Bartender: =takes one look= "Meep!" =ducks below bar=  
  
BM: =breathing heavily= "This could've went a lot easier if you co-operated with me! GOT ME!" =kicks Old Man 2's body= "I wanna know which one of you crusty old PUNKS took a whole lotta gold from my idiot friend, Fighter."  
  
Bodies: =sizzle= =burn= =crackle=  
  
BM: =readies another spell= "WRONG ANSWER!!" =releases spell= "ICE-2, MUTHA FUGGAS!!"  
  
Bodies: =encased in ice= =shine= =sparkle= =wink=  
  
Bartender: =slowly shows eyes= "It wasn't them!" =shows a clipboard= "They haven't left this building in over ten long years!"  
  
BM: =blink= "... ... ... ... ... ... ..." =charges spell=  
  
Bartender: =panics= "Please don't kill me!"  
  
BM: =blink= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... I hate to do this but..." =releases spell=  
  
POOF!!!!  
  
"Gotta go!" =runs like a scared little girl=  
  
Bartender: =wipes forehead= "Whew! I could've told him that the guy who stole his gold was in the next building over..."  
  
====  
  
Back outside...  
  
====  
  
BM: =runs into an alley= "Crap! I still don't have a clue to find the old bastard that took out gold." =sticks head out of alley= "Yeesh, I hope the town guards aren't out yet."  
  
=sits against alley wall= "And now I've nuked the old folks home, I'm fresh out of ideas! Come on, Black Mage! You're a Mage, a wielder of Black Magic! THINK!!" =bangs head against wall=  
  
Old Man 4 (no, he wasn't in the Old Folks home at all): =carrying a bulging sack on back= "Wow, I've got so much money!"  
  
=pulls out a Gil and rubs it against his chest= "More money that I know what to do in fact! Heehee!"  
  
=puts Gil back in bag= "Why, if I had a nickel for every dime I have, I'd STILL be rolling in cash! Heehee!"  
  
BM: =stops banging head for a moment= "SHUT IT, GEEZER!!"  
  
Old Man 4: "Why, my dear boy?"  
  
BM: =waving arms= "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO THINK OVER HERE!!!!"  
  
Old Man 4: "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... What you say, sonny boy?" =cleans out ear=  
  
BM: =VV;= "WHAT I SAID WAS I'M TRYING TO THINK!!!"  
  
Old Man 4: "Oh... I'm sorry. It's just that... heehee... I'm so happy to have recently come into such a large amount of money!" =shows off a Gil=  
  
BM: =head lowered and muttering= "1... 2... 3..."  
  
Old Man 4: =completely unaware= "It really is a great story, y'know. How I came across all this gold, I mean."  
  
BM: =still muttering= "4... 5... Ah, screw it!"  
  
SNAP!!!!  
  
(That was Black Mage's patience, by the way.)  
  
BM: =holding Old Man 4 by the throat= "LEAVE ME ALONE YOU CRAZY OLD MAN!!! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY LOOKING FOR AN OLD MAN WHO RECENTLY CAME INTO A BOATLOAD OF..."  
  
=staring at bulging sack= "... Mon... ey?" =eyes and hands beginning to twitch=  
  
Old Man 4: =confused= "You alright, sonny boy?" =notices BM's twitching eyes and hands= "Uh... why are you looking at me like that?"  
  
CRACK!!!!!  
  
Old Man 4: =screaming= "ARGH!!!! MY BRITTLE OLD MAN HIP!"  
  
====  
  
After a brief yet excruciatingly painful moment...  
  
====  
  
BM: =walking away while tucking away his BLOODY DAGGER= "Okay, so I got our gold back from the old man. Now all I have to do is find Fighter so we can split the goods." =tucks gold in robes= "Man, I feel bad about taking back our Gil... NOT!!!"  
  
=looks at the next store= "Hm... 'Magic Shop: Spells of Mass Destruction, 20% off! Today only!' "  
  
=stops and look in the windows= "Of course, I'll bet Fighter would undoubtedly spend his share on weapons and armor that will prove to be vastly inferior to what we will find in our travels. Hehe, and if he doesn't know I got the money back..."  
  
==  
  
Back to Fighter  
  
==  
  
Fighter: =still at the Lighte Warriorse Auditionse= "I wonder how Black Mage is doin' with that old man? I sure would like to spend my share of the cash on weapons and armor that will be vastly inferior to what we will inevitably find in our travels."  
  
Zidane: "Hey, Fighter! Why do you like to buy swords and armor?"  
  
F: =jumps up and down= "Oh, oh! I know! 'Cause they're shiny!"  
  
===  
  
Back to Black Mage...  
  
===  
  
BM: =pulls out bag of Gil= "Eh, what gives! I think I'll tell him where the old man went..."  
  
===  
  
Inside the Magic Shop...  
  
===  
  
BM: =walking by shelves with magic= =pulls out a scroll= "Hm...? 'Magic Missile?' Heh, don't make me laugh." =puts scroll back in shelf=  
  
=walks by a second shelf and pulls a random scroll out= " 'Lorloveim's Creeping Shadow'? Laaaaaaaaaaaaaame!" =puts scroll back=  
  
=pulls scroll from third shelf= " 'Mordenkainen's Celerity'? Ha! Weeeeeeeeeaaaaaaak!" =puts scroll back=  
  
=stops at the counter= "Yo, shopkeep!"  
  
Shopkeeper: =wakes up= "What's up?"  
  
BM: =pulls out a Gil bag= "Where do you keep the real spells, man? This stuff you got up here is child's play!"  
  
Shopkeeper: =scratches backside= "If you must know, I keep the truly powerful spells here behind the counter." =pulls out 'Nuke' scroll= "See?"  
  
BM: =jumping up and down like an ADD kid= "Oh yeah? Gimme, gimme, gimme, GIMME!!!!!"  
  
Shopkeep: =hugs 'Nuke' scroll= "Do not SULLY the spell scrolls and books with your greasy hands! They are very rare and NOT to be taken lightly." =gingerly sets the spell back under the counter=  
  
BM: =pulls out another bag of Gil= "Must be pretty powerful spells, eh?"  
  
Shopkeep: =greedy eyes= "Oh, your powers of deduction are exceptional!" =scoops up both bags= "I simply CANNOT allow you to WASTE them here when there are SOOOOO Many MONSTERS roaming the land at this very moment!"  
  
=tosses 'Nuke', 'Hell Fire', 'Fire Storm', and a bunch of other Level 9 spells into a bag= "Go, GO! For the good of the city!"  
  
===  
  
And so, Black Mage wastes his share of the money on Spells of Mass Destruction. Can he use them quickly on a CERTAIN target? Can Fighter find two candidates to fill the positions of LIGHT WARRIORS? Will Fighter get his share of the money? Why the hell is Thief following these two guys? Can the town guards find the killer of the old folks?  
  
STAY TUNED FOR NEXT TIME!!!  
  
=== 


	4. Chapter 4

Final Fantasy: 8-Bit Theatre  
  
======  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy nor do I own 8-Bit Theatre. They belong to their respective owners and frankly, I like them but I'd rather not own them. Too expensive.  
  
======  
  
Previously...  
  
Black Mage and Fighter entered the fair city of Corneria. But at the gates, the guards were strangely repeating the same phrase over and over again. After dealing with this obstacle, our two heroes entered teh city. At the center plaza, a sign calling for heroes to save the world from darkness caught Fighter's eyes. After menacing Black Mage into the deal, both heroes split up in search of certain things. Black Mage found their "stolen" gold and Fighter began his search for the other two heroes...  
  
===  
  
After BM's Shopping Spree at Ye Olde Magic Shoppe...  
  
===  
  
BM: =laughing as he walks= "Stupid Magic Shop guy." =pulls out a scroll= "Well, anyways... I've got so many doomsday spells, I don't know what to do with them all!" =insert evil laughter=  
  
=stops suddenly= "Oh wait! Yes I do!" =uses imagination=  
  
===  
  
Inside BM's imagination...  
  
===  
  
Mini-Fighter: "Dur-hur... I'm the Fighter! I waste all our shinies!"  
  
Mini-BM: =readies a bag of spells= "EAT THIS!!!"  
  
"HA-- DO-- KEN!!!" "FIRE STORM!!!" "HELL FIRE!!!" "NUKE!!!"  
  
Mini-F: =fades away= "Blaarg! I am dead!"  
  
===  
  
Back in reality...  
  
===  
  
BM: "Hehe... sucker wouldn't know what hit him!"  
  
=walks by another Magic Shop= =reads= "The Other Magic Shop! Spells of Healing 20% Off! Today Only!"  
  
"Heh, White Magic..." =high squeaky voice= " 'Oh, lookit me! I'm a tree-huggin' hippy white mage of love and peace and nurturing and--" =normal sarcastic tone= "THBBBBBBBPT!!!!"  
  
=begins to walk away= "Black Magic forever! Now where's that stupid Fighter at..." =bumps into a White Mage= "Hey! Why don't you watch where you're go..." =speechless= "... go... gah... gah..."  
  
White Mage: =looks like Aeris in a White Mage cloak= "Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry! Are you alright?"  
  
BM: =lovestruck with little hearts coming out of his head= "Hubba flubba wabba zabba..."  
  
WM: =confused= "Um... I must not have seen you from around the corner. Are you ok?"  
  
BM: =not paying attention as he is speaking to himself= (SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU FOOL! THE MOST GORGEOUS WOMAN IN THE UNIVERSE IS TALKING TO YOU! TIME TO TURN ON THE PATENTED BLACK MAGE CHAMR AND MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION!!)  
  
=finally realizes WM is talking to him= "I AM THE BLACK MAGE! I CASTS THE SPELLS THAT MAKES THE PEOPLE FALL DOWN! I AM EVIL INCARNATE!"  
  
WM: =blink= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..."  
  
BM: =stares at WM= (She looks hot in that White Mage cloak. I wonder what she wears beneath? Possibly nothing?)  
  
WM: =carefully steps away from BM= "... Of course you are. I'm going into the White Magic Shop now. Please don't follow me." =steps into the shop with her hammer out=  
  
BM: =happy= "I think she likes me!" =follows WM into shop=  
  
====  
  
And so, inside the Other Magic Shop...  
  
====  
  
WM: =reading a book= "Okay... mhem... 'Cure-3 can be severely taxing upon the soul yet it is rejuvenated just by seeing the wounded be able to fight'. Sound like a good spell to learn..."  
  
BM: =taps WM on the shoulder= "So... What's a nice mage like you doing in a mean part of town like this?"  
  
WM: =still reading Cure-3 book= "Hm? Oh, yeah. It's pretty rough here with the Old Folks Home down the street and the Children's Center next door..."  
  
BM: "Er... well, y'know. Those kids can be pretty twisted. They're very tiny." =thinks= "Small hands." =thinks again= "Beady little yellow eyes."  
  
=thinks to self= (Idiot! You just described yourself in your evil Black Mage robes!)  
  
WM: =still reading= "On the contrary, the children do charity work for the elderly."  
  
BM: =thinks back to the Old Folks incident= "Heh, not any more! (Suckers! They rightly deserved that BOLT-2!)"  
  
WM: =puts book down= "What do you mean?"  
  
BM: =cracks knuckles= "It's pretty funny. I was just at the Old Folks Home and those crusty old freaks are cooked!" =sniggers=  
  
WM: =confused= "Cooked?"  
  
BM: =grinning= "Yup! As in 'Stick a Fork in 'Em, They're Done' cooked!"  
  
WM: =drops Cure-3 Book= "Who would do such a thing!"  
  
BM: =hitches sleeves= "Well, I don't like to brag, but I---"  
  
WM: =pulls out her Hammer= "What kind of horrible brute could do that to poor defenseless old people? How dare that person do such a thing!"  
  
BM: =OO;= "--- Have no idea who did it..."  
  
=finds inspiration= "Why, it would take some kind of insane meglomaniacal fiend to take pleasure in wielding the tapestry of creation to focus pure energy into reality through nothing more than my own will, the rush of electricity through my being, the POWER!!!"  
  
=throws arms in the air= "MY GOD!!! THE POWER!!! IT'S ONLY THE TIME I FEEL ALIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!" =incinerates Cure-3 Book=  
  
WM: =blinks= "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..." =blinks=  
  
=turns around and walks to the Shopkeeper= "Excuse me, do you have any Restraining Order Spells? Particularly those for Mages who commit Homicide?"  
  
BM: =happy= "Oh yeah, she wants me. (In her dungeon where she wears leather garments and wields a whip!)"  
  
Shopkeeper: "What do you think we are, the Black Magic Shop? 'Course we got Restraining Order Spells for Homicidal Mages! How many do you need?"  
  
WM: "Enough to keep him tied down."  
  
BM: =happy= "Yup, she definitely wants me. (IN HER DUNGEON!!!)"  
  
====  
  
And outside the Other Magic Shop...  
  
====  
  
WM: =walking away while carrying a magic tome= "Definitely need to find a stronger Restraining Order spell..."  
  
BM: =bolts out of store= "Hey! Wait up!"  
  
WM: =stops= "Yes?"  
  
BM: "Hi, we were talking back there in the Magic Shop..."  
  
WM: "Ah, the morally bankrupt violent little man."  
  
BM: "Exactly. Anyway, I wanted to ask you something."  
  
WM: "Sounds harmless enough."  
  
BM: "Okay. Here it goes."  
  
=takes deep breathe= "I was wondering, and this may sound strange but just bear with me. Are you from Venus?"  
  
WM: =confused= "Er... no. Why?"  
  
BM: "'Cause, baby, yer ass is outa dis WORLD!"  
  
WM: =blinks= "... ... ..." =pulls out hammer=  
  
POW!!!!!  
  
BM: =goes flying and strikes a building=  
  
Building reads as: "Flat Sufaces 'R' Us: Serving all your planar needs for 30 years"  
  
=slides down the wall= "Owie..."  
  
=========  
  
Ten minutes later...  
  
=========  
  
BM: =running= "Hey!"  
  
WM: =slaps face while turning around= "Ugh... not you again..."  
  
BM: "Let me explain."  
  
WM: =sigh= =pulls out hammer= "Make it quick."  
  
BM: =on knees and begging= "Just five minutes, please!"  
  
WM: =puts away hammer= "I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"  
  
BM: =panicks= "Three minutes, that's all I ask! Look, I'm begging on my knees!"  
  
WM: "You've got two."  
  
BM: "All right." =gets up= "I've got a question for you. Seriously this time."  
  
WM: =bored face= "Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock..."  
  
BM: "Er... right. You don't happen to work at the UPS, do you?"  
  
WM: =confused= "Uh... no. Why?"  
  
BM: " 'Cause I coulda swore I saw you CHEKIN' OUT MY PACKAGE!!!!!!"  
  
WM: =pulls out hammer and whacks BM=  
  
POW!!!!!  
  
BM: "WRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!" =goes flying through the air and strikes another advertising building=  
  
Building reads as: "Walls 'R' Us: Keeping your structures erect for 30 years."  
  
=slides down wall= "Urgh... yep, she definitely wants me..."  
  
=======  
  
Another 10 Minutes later...  
  
=======  
  
BM: =covered in blood= "Hey! I'm sorry about before! But I really do have something I want to tell you!"  
  
WM: "Make it quick." =pulls out Thor's Hammer= (For all you people who never played the original FF1 game, it's the best hammer in the game. Use it as a Item, it has the same effect as Bolt-3! AND IT NEVER SHATTERS!)  
  
BM & WM: "... ... ... ... ... ... Right... and your point is, oh woeful and pitiful teacher of young Boy Scouts who took twice as long to get his Eagle Scout Rank?"  
  
Kingkazul400: =runs away and cried= "Waaaaaah! You guys are mean! I'm gonna talk to Fighter about SWORDS and other SHINY THINGS!"  
  
WM: =turns back to BM= "... You were saying?"  
  
BM: "Well... I just wanted to say that those robes look really good on you."  
  
WM: =blush= "Why thank you!"  
  
BM: =impersonates Austin Powers= "But baby! They'd look even betta on my bedroom floor!"  
  
WM: =eye twitches= =swings hammer=  
  
POW!!!!!  
  
BM: =stumbles back= "Baby, I know you must be tired 'cause you've been walkin' though my mind ALL day!"  
  
SPLORCH!!!!! (Hey, don't look at me. That's the sound of a hammer making contact with Black Mage's organs.)  
  
BM: =stumbles back, again= "That must be jam 'cause jelly don't shake like dat!"  
  
CRUNCH!!!!! (There goes his arm bones...)  
  
BM: =stumbles back for another helping= "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"  
  
BREAK!!!!! (I think that was his legs...)  
  
BM: =crawls back= "What? You don't like pizza?"  
  
THWACK!!!!! (There goes the front half of his body...)  
  
FOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!  
  
WM: =dashes quickly to where BM's gonna land= "STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE I'M AN SEXUAL OBJECT!!!!"  
  
WHAM!!!!! (I don't think she missed anything else...)  
  
BM: =lying on the ground in a puddle of his own blood= "Ribs... broken. Organs... bleeding. Spleen... still unaccounted for." =wheezes and passes out=  
  
WM: =sigh= "... Lousy White Mage's Oath..."  
  
=====  
  
After 10 minutes contemplating...  
  
=====  
  
WM: =pulling her hair= "Argh! I know I should but I don't want to!"  
  
BM: =faintest moan= "... ... Agony... ..."  
  
WM: =hides her hammer= "Oh fine! Cure-1!"  
  
BM: =receiving Cure-1= "Oah..." =Cure-1 -- 40 HP=  
  
=sitting up= "Strength... returning. Bones... mending. Organs... healed. Self-narration... fading."  
  
=stands up= "And I owe it all to you, o' vision of beauty!"  
  
WM: =picks up her magic tomes= "Yeah, well let's not make a big thing of it. I just did what to be done. (And I clearly didn't want to save your lousy mean ass!)"  
  
BM: =follows her= "Wait! I... I... I want to apologize to you."  
  
WM: =palm to face= (This oughta be good...)  
  
BM: =rubbing back of neck in embarassment= "You see, it's just that you're obviously a very intelligent and beautiful woman... and I suppose I was trying to impress you."  
  
WM: =curious= "Why? Why me?"  
  
BM: =tapping fingertips together in embarassment= "Well... um... my friend and I are trying out for that Light Warrior job... and I though that--"  
  
WM: =interupts= "-- A White Mage would make an excellent addition to the team?"  
  
BM: "Er... yeah! Pretty much!"  
  
WM: =throws arms in the air= "Well why didn't you say so earlier!"  
  
BM: =blushes= "Um... I guess I got nervous about approaching a woman of your high calibur..."  
  
WM: =pinches BM's cheek= "A cute little guy like you doesn't have anything to be nervous about."  
  
BM: =peeks inside her robes= (Oh my god! She's so frickin' hot under those robes! Are those double D's or am I just seeing things?!)  
  
WM: =grabs BM by the arm and drags him off= "Now, let's meet this friend of yours."  
  
BM: =happy= (Wow, that actually worked! Sucker! Now how the heck am I going to convince that we should get together, get drunk, and have some fun for afters?)  
  
====  
  
Comments? Questions? Hate mail? Love Black Mage but hate Fighter? Leave a Review! 


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